My Ultimate Journey

I am still around

2010-01-19T09:47:00.004-05:00

All is not lost. I am still around. My daughter is 16 months old now, sleeping relatively well with a through-the-night sleep schedule most of the time. this affords me a modicum of relative normalcy to my rest schedule which is conducive to consciousness exploration. Or so I keep telling myself.

Not a lot to report in this post. More to come soon. I have had some strange dreams and one OBE since I last posted. I notice all my audio file links from previous posts are no longer working. No worries, I still have the originals (plus some more) and am searching for a better alternative for hosting them. Once I find a place for them, I will re-post them up here with new links.

I am still working with Advanced Focus 10 - mostly due to the fact that I have had almost NO TIME to devote to regular listening. I work an 8-4:30 job and my daughter goes to bed at 8PM, so we do all the things we can from 8PM until our bed time like dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc. that my daughter makes it hard to accomplish earlier in the afternoon. So I usually only find the time on weekends to use the Gateway CDs during her mid day nap. but that's infrequent at best since we generally spend that time exhausted and resting or doing more chores!

Never fear, I am still working on eking out my time. Adjusting to being a dad is still on-going, and I'd have it no other way. :)

Finally got some good rest last night.

2008-12-11T08:17:00.001-05:00

Read a little of Moen’s second book, then off went the lights. No Gateway Voyage for me. I knew I needed sleep. I slept all the way through despite drinking an entire bottle of water minutes before falling to sleep. Been sick lately and the meds have been dehydrating me. I had a few strange dreams, but I was too deep to remember most of them.

I do remember in one I had invented a new sleeping bag. It was a summer model, part mesh, part fold over blankets with wood poles up the sides for stability since it was flimsy and handy brackets for hanging it up in your house as a decoration. I even remember it being sold under the label Ralph Lauren because with the white mesh material of part of the bag, it matched his boating New England fashion style. What ever.

Let this be a lesson to everyone. When you’re sick, just rest and drink lots of fluids. Leave the consciousness exploring to itself until you get better.

Fell asleep during CD and had VERY strange dreams

2008-12-10T08:17:00.000-05:00

I was listening to Advanced Focus 10 last night (Wave I, disc 2). I got past the resonant breathing, started my REBAL and drifted off to day-dream-land and snapped back out of it when Monroe said, “now breathe normally and relax.” Next thing I know I am waking up with my head hurting from the headphones. The track was over, and it had been long enough that my MP3 player shut itself off in locked mode.

I went to sleep after that and had some very vivid and unpleasant dreams full of anxiety. In one of them I was at work and someone (a female) in an authority position handed me a stack of work I had done asking me how in the world I could have missed a simple but critical step I have not missed in my 8 years working there. I was flabbergasted, flitted through them, and started trying to think of an excuse when I could see no rational reason for the errors. I felt myself literally ‘turn inward,’ ignoring the environment around me focusing only on my thoughts, and start spinning yarns internally to see which was more plausible worrying at the same time that this authority figure sitting at her desk in front of me would ask what I was doing saying nothing just standing there with glazed-over eyes (which she never did.) Each excuse I came up with ended in, “no I need to own up for this even though I can’t remember screwing them up because clearly it could have been no one else.”

Before I could resolve the situation, I woke up to my alarm clock. I felt unhappy, tired, and dehydrated. Thinking back on it, it felt very un-dream-like; more vivid than any regular dream. That, coupled with the fact that I have not dreamed about work in years, and the strange sequence of events in the plot of the dream lead me to believe it was a ‘teaching dream.’ I think I woke up before I learned my lesson though.

Back at it finally!

2008-12-08T08:22:00.000-05:00

My daughter will be 3 months old tomorrow. Our sleeping arrangements have settled into a pattern (not optimal, but we are working on that.) I have had two bad sinus infections the last two months! I am on the tail end of my last one now.

Every night, my wife has been sleeping in the living room with the baby. It’s the only way we’ve been able to get her to sleep at night and the only way we could get any sleep as well.

So I have been going to bed, by myself, every night. Now that I am no longer ill and needing my rest I have found that this suits listening to the Gateway Voyage very well.

Last night I put on my German engineered sound reduction too-expensive headphones, lay down and listened to Wave I, Advanced Focus 10. I still kept pretty quiet on the resonant tuning as I didn’t want to disturb anyone else in the house. I half day dreamed my way through the REBAL, then settled in for the descent to F10. I dozed out (not asleep, just … not totally aware of what was going on, a very strange feeling) around the 2-3 count. I came back to full awareness around the end of the 4 count and drifted back off at around 10. I felt like I was dreaming but I didn’t remember falling asleep (which is something I usually remember.) I ‘woke’ back out of this state of awareness as Monroe counted me down and out of F10.

When Monroe started to count me back to F10, I started feeling some unpleasant drainage and discomfort in my limbs, so I turned the exercise off and went to sleep.

I had some STRANGE dreams too; a very vivid dream with a few wake-ups and continuations about my struggle with a zombie attack. I may recount the dream here, but it really doesn’t seem all that important.

Oh, I also just got Bruce Moen’s 2nd book in his ‘Exploring the Afterlife series’, Voyage Beyond Doubt. I am reading it now.

It's something...

2008-11-11T15:30:00.002-05:00

I have been unable to find the time and rest to relax into the exercises or my own attempts with the baby in the house and all the disruptions that come with her.

However, I am re reading Monroe's books just to keep my mind on things.

This morning I went through the regular routine of waking Jen up who fell asleep on the couch with the baby for the morning feeding. I went back to bed as she showered and the baby fell back asleep in her pack-n-play. I started awake at her grunting but she fell back asleep. As I drifted off I felt the vibrations again! I was so happy to experience them again I almost got too excited.

Instead, I relaxed into them and felt them surge through my whole body and I concentrated on remaining awake and aware while ... whatever... happened.

I felt a distinct forward (in the direction I was facing) movement and with it a distinct fading of physical sensations including the vibrations. I didn't get far before some noise... the baby, a dog, whatever... startled me out of it.

I fell asleep for a few more minutes of rest before work, vowing to remember it.

This blog is not dead

2008-10-27T08:51:00.001-04:00

Our daughter is seven weeks old tomorrow. I just got over a severe sinus infection, now my wife has it and so does the baby. No one in our house is sleeping right now, and I am certainly out of energy for OBE’s at the moment.

Activity will resume, so stay tuned.

Side note: I am re-reading the Monroe Trilogy. I seek inspiration and motivation.

A Small Notation

2008-10-06T07:53:00.000-04:00

Though not an OBE, I am trying to record all things I find related in my experiences.

The audio journal entry:
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=503644785.wma

New OBE! - Audio entry included!

2008-10-02T09:33:00.000-04:00

I have another audio journal entry available at supload:
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=1194479360.wma

Some notes:
I laid down for sleep and made a clear intention to have an OBE, as I have done every night for the past three or four weeks. I also did some simple energy raising breathing techniques I learned form the Gateway Voyage CD's (which I have not had the opportunity to listen to with the new baby and all) but that didn't last long before I was asleep.

Right after I went back to sleep after the OBE, I fell into an interesting dream about needing to get home. I was at an elementary school I attended way back when and took the tried-and-true shortcut through the track and field of our small town and from there through the back lot of the public library. I was totally not paying attention when I dodged through a gap in the fence at the field and ran through the in-zone of a football game that was in progress. I only noticed when I heard a voice on a loud speaker say, "And it's another touch down for the yellow jersey, naked team," which I took to be an interpretation of 'shirts and skins.' I was embarrassed to be there but I kept going. Once I got through the other fence into the library back lot, I was instead on a stylized version of my grandmother’s farm where we (a bunch of family and friends) were playing touch foot ball!

Then I got up for work.

The baby has arived!

2008-09-12T13:56:00.000-04:00

Baby Raimi Christine Buse was born on 9-9-08 at 9:37 PM. She weighed in at 7 lbs. 13 oz., and 20.25".We got to come home late last night (9-11-08)

http://s7.photobucket.com/albums/y297/boozee/baby%20Raimi/

http://www.indysilat.com/Raimi/Raimi.htm

-Andy

I did it!

2008-09-08T08:35:00.000-04:00

I did it! I had a fully conscious OBE again after over a year!

I actually recorded my impressions on the digi-voice-recorder. The links to the audio mp3 files are below. The recording is in two parts (got interrupted during recording). Until I find a better host, I am using supload.com.

9-8-08 a
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=882909639.wma

9-8-08 b
http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=1194451723.wma

Some notes:

I forgot to mention a couple of things. Right as I was experiencing the sensations just before separation, I saw in my mind's eye, for a flicker of a moment, a ring of people, silhouetted, all around me looking down at me. I saw no details, only the black shadows of their heads and shoulders against a slightly lighter dark gray background. This frightened me but I resolved to just do it come what may. Then I was moving up and out.

Also, when I was flying through the stars before I stopped to get my bearings, I felt a fear of moving too fast. It was a strange thought, but I felt a fear none the less.

I also did not look at the clock when I 'came back'. All in all it felt like a minute, maybe two, that I was OOB.

Finally, this was totally unprovoked. I have not been listening to the TMI Gateway Voyage CD's regularly, though I have been reading books on the subject.

Energy work with Resonant Tuning on Wave I?

2008-07-08T11:45:00.001-04:00

Before sleep I have been practicing resonant breathing, energy raising per the Monroe technique from Wave I of the gateway, and the Resonant Energy Balloon (REBAL) without the aid of the CDs. Last night I was raising energy and holding it in my head while doing my resonant breathing. It wasn't long before I felt a definite and undeniable 'pressure', that was almost physical in my head right behind my forehead just above my eyes and centered between them.

I've NEVER felt anything like this ever! I have read a little on chakras and thought this might be one and I had energized it up. The REBALL exercise says to take all the energy you just raised and held in your head and let it out through the top to create the REBALL. So I tried this but the energy didn't move. I thought, "OK, this energy is in my forehead chakra, and I am trying to move it out of my crown chakra. I need to move this energy to my crown Chakra first, and I did. I immediately felt the pressure in my forehead lessen.

Then I was able to create my REBALL! This stuff really works!

F10 on Through to Release and Recharge!

2008-07-01T09:17:00.001-04:00

Here's something strange, I laid down (propped up to help keep me from falling asleep) and started Advanced Focus 10. I followed the instructions all the way through the second induction of Focus 10. Then I have no memory until I hear Bob's voice prompting me to come back to full conscious wakefulness. I looked at the MP3 player and it had played on through Release and Recharge (Wave 1, disk 2)! I was out for nearly an hour!

It didn't feel like I was waking up from sleep, more like I was coming up out of a deep morass into C1, unlike I've ever felt before. I have fleeting glimpses of color and the presences of 'people' or other beings as memories, but nothing concrete.

I don't even know what the Release and Recharge track has on it. I can't wait to get some quiet time to try again!

BTW, my wife is now 29 weeks pregnant with our daughter, Chloe Christine. I can't wait to meet her!

It's a girl!

2008-05-20T08:15:00.001-04:00

We just found out yesterday, we are having a girl!

Everyone is healthy and we are due September 18th.

Four Helpful Hints

2008-04-22T15:55:00.002-04:00

I struggle with my expectations and blockages to the process. I am reading Joe McMoneagle's book, "Mind Trek." (ISBN 1-878901-72-9)

In his book I found the following. It is meant to be helpful for remote viewing, but I find that it might be more universal than that. It may help you or not.

"Rule Three

...These instincts or habits corrupt the information you're trying to process. Some of these are:

1. You feel you must absolutely reach a conclusion. That, however, is the last thing you should be trying to do.

2. You may be setting yourself up by thinking things must work the way you envision them as working, when they may actually work in an entirely different fashion.

3. Everything you are thinking must make sense. But in remote viewing [or any altered state of consciousness work], each part or piece of information is nothing more than just that, a piece of a larger puzzle. As in a jigsaw puzzle, different parts do not necessarily have to go together.

4. You feel you must be right the first time around; you must succeed or you will be a failure. This generates a fear of failure or an unnecessary requirement to perform. I believe the psychological need for success and recognition is probably one of the most instinctive drives we have. Don’t be fooled by it. Control of the ego is essential to a balanced approach. It's the ego that gets more psychics in trouble than anything else."

FYI: In this book, Joe McMoneagle defines psychic as: '...the information came to someone paranormally, without any specific controls applied.'"

Levels within levels within levels...

2008-04-21T18:52:00.002-04:00

Found this chart from TMI which shows how the focus levels fall within the natural phases of the human cycle:

I started a written journal. In it I am keeping track of my thoughts on the work with the exercises. In it I am also trying some new written exercises, like automatic writing and creative visualization.

It's helping me get in touch with my right brain subconsiousness. It's a lot of fun.

The other night I switched from Intro to Focus 10 to Advanced Focus 10. I fell asleep a bunch of times. :(

I am going to listen to Intro to Focus 10 one more time then move on.

Back on the horse; with a new instruction manual.

2008-04-15T13:54:00.001-04:00

Ok I got back down with Gateway last night. It was both nice and frustrating. Nice in that I was happy to get back to it with a fresh perspective, and frustrating because I kept dozing off. Nice, again, because with my fresh perspective I was able to stay aware longer and was less judgmental when I noticed I had drifted off, and I was able to experience some new things with Intro to Focus 10.

First, I want to explain my “new perspective.”

I just bought five or so books about the subjects of OBE, remote viewing, and The Monroe Institute (TMI). I read From Science to God, which was interesting and illuminating, and now I am reading Frank DeMarco’s book, Muddy Tracks, which should be on the must-read list of any Gateway explorer. I have my trepidations about some of his subject matter (namely the ‘astral infidelity’) but his way of presenting the bulk of his experiences as a totally personally account with such openness is very appealing, and reading between the lines (and reading the context of the lines!) has really helped me to continue my own personal exploration of altered states of consciousness.

I will recount here, his experience with Focus 10. His descriptions of the TMI Focus levels (and subsequent step by step passage through the gateway Voyage program at TMI) helped me put my own overblown expectations in perspective and to realign my desires and hopes in this quest of mine.

Without further adieu, here is Fank DeMarco telling of Focus 10, from his book, Muddy Tracks, ISBN 1-57174-362-6. (There is a place in the inner cover of his book that states reproduction of the material is not allowed “…except for brief passages in connection with a review.” Well, this is a review. This book rocks, and here is a passage that [as previously stated by me in this post] helped me in my life and efforts.)

“Ever been in a very calm space where you were alert but not tense? Focus 10 gives what I might call a relaxed mental clarity. Monroe calls it “mind awake, body asleep,” and it is true that in TMI’s protected environment, some people do suddenly realize that they-mentally wide awake-are listening to their body snore. But it is also true that people deliberately use Focus 10 to do all sorts of things that require the body to be relaxed but not asleep. The first time I drove a rented twenty-six-foot truck through a tunnel, I used Focus 10 to keep me calm. I used it too when an oral surgeon was taking a out a tooth that was so decayed that it was expected to split into two or three pieces as he did so; instead it came out intact, and I was out of the office in less than twenty minutes from the time I sat down. And to my surprise, the first time I was able to focus a “5d” picture, I recognized that certain sense of peace, of quiet. It felt to me like Focus 10.”

That said; I was more able to take it to heart not to have unrealistic expectations when I listen to these exercises. And I have told myself this before, over and over, but Frank DeMarco’s book has helped me see this erroneous behavior of mine in a less judgmental light, and has helped me re-shape my expectations to more reasonable levels.

I think I will relate Frank Demarco’s recounting of the other focus levels as I reach them in my own explorations.

* * *

Last night’s session:

I lay down and put on my head phones. It took me a little while to get in a good relaxed position, but I did and started the exercise. It does not take me long to go to my energy conversion box (ECB) and put my current physical life worries and anxieties in it, so I had some time before RAM started directing me to do things again.

I started to drift off, but rather than ‘loosing consciousness,” I saw something very clearly. I have no idea what it means (if anything) but here it is: A jutting cliff overlooking an unseen precipice. On it is a large white wolf/dog in front of a very deep purple-blue night sky.

I noticed I was drifting and stayed completely alert though I was aware that I had come dangerously close to falling asleep. Maybe it was just the beginning of random stuff in a hypnogogic state. Who knows, but it was different and distinct, so I mention it here.

Then I went through the exercises sometimes drifting off (interestingly I did hear myself snoring a few times, but it only served to bring me back to a better awareness), but sometimes I found myself in a very focused sense of alertness. I saw the backside of my eyelids come into clarity of visual focus unlike any other time my eyes were closed for a long time while I am still awake. I also became hyper aware of the world around me. I could feel the blanket I had sloughed off between my legs (it was hot) and could hear the exercise hissing away in my ears as almost an afterthought. I could also hear all the night sounds of my house with an absolute familiarity and detachment. It was quite … um… I’d have to say, I was uncaring. Now I think on it as unique and exhilarating, but during it, I just was.

Then I’d start to wonder if I’d just ‘woken up’ and was totally out of the exercise, and self doubt would lead me back out of it. Then I would try to listen to the exercise again, follow instructions, etc.

Near the end I had another moment of clarity like mentioned above, but then I started to experience a very uncomfortable sensation in my limbs.

How to describe it? It feels like my legs and arms, fingers and toes, wrists and ankles, are about to tighten up and cramp; like they need to be stretched, popped, and massaged. Used physically and vigorously for the discomfort (not quite pain) to be released. I have felt this before and it has totally knocked me out of the exercise casing me to quit early. Sometimes it has even lasted for a while after the exercise making it difficult to fall asleep or focus on other things.

Last night I continued my resolve to take a meditative attention to it. Feel it out, observe every aspect of it until it either went away or the exercise ended. So I did. The exercise ended almost 2 minutes later. The feeling was still there and made me loose track of the exercise, but I was able to bear it a little more easily.

This discomfort is not new to me. I have experienced it many times for as long as I can remember. It always happened when I got very relaxed bodily and mentally. It seems to have gotten a tiny bit worse the last few years. Perhaps it is getting worse, or perhaps I am getting better at 'going deeper' into altered states of consciousness where it interferes more with my attention?

Maybe it's restless leg syndrome, or some kind of neurological disorder beginning to rear its ugly head? I hope not, but I have no answers at this point, and it’s starting to worry me a little.

* * *

No audio yet. The recorder sits right next to me on these sessions, but I have nothing exciting to report verbally, that I cannot report here in writing as of now.

Out of the Skillet and into the Fire.

2008-04-11T09:31:00.001-04:00

Immediately after the last post I came down with a sinus infection that when cured caused some distress to my sinuses in such a way as to invite a cold in afterwards. Weird. I am almost completely over it now, and with the air mattress inflated, and space created for it in my office, I will be back on-mission ASAP.

Stay tuned for new and exciting comments! Soon with audio files!

Will Read for Focus - and - Dream Loss?

2008-04-02T11:55:00.002-04:00

I need more resolve. It has been 8 days since I listened to my exercises.

Jen's pregnancy is affecting her sleeping habits, which, in turn, are throwing off mine. As a result, I am usually too tired to lay still and quiet for 40 minutes without falling asleep, no matter what time I do the exercises.

Excuses, excuses; I know. I'll re-inflate my air mattress and keep it handy in my office closet for the exercises, since the couch is no longer an assured place to do them. As soon as there is peace and quiet, I will get down on that mattress and go at it!

I've bought a few more OBE related books which I hope keep me focused and will keep up the exercises.

* * *

Interesting note: Since stopping the exercises and getting more erratic sleep, I have noticed a decrease in my strange and lucid dreams. They are all but gone now, atrophied like an unused limb.

* * *

Also: after some experimentation I have figured out how to record and upload audio files for this Blog. Recording my impressions of the exercises directly after they are over, on my digital voice recorder, is now a reality for this Blog... I just need to get back on the exercises.

Wife's Surgery, Baby is Fine

2008-03-14T10:36:00.002-04:00

OK, My wife had her surgery yesterday morning. After a lengthy recovery (not quite over-night) I was able to take her home. She slept through the night and though I am at work today, she is taking a 3 day weekend to recover.

Both my wife and the baby did well and are fine so far. The procedure performed was called a cerclage which took about 45 minutes to prep, and 15 minutes to do the actual surgical procedure. My wife was awake the whole time. They gave her a spinal paralytic that numbed her from the waist down.

We spent the 11 and a half hours after the surgery in a labor and delivery room as she recovered through bad headaches, nausea, and while the feeling came back.

We go back to the doc on the 5th of next month for a follow up.

Thanks to everyone who has prayed and offered well wished to us. We appreciate it all.

* * *

So I've been unable to keep up the daily exercises. I'll be back at it soon.

My dreams continue to be strange and filled with challenges, both mental and emotional, sometimes almost physical even too.

Dreams, Pain, Focusing, Pain

2008-03-05T09:25:00.002-05:00

OK, so I've still been having these uncomfortable sensations during deep relaxation. I've had to end my exercise early a couple of times because I could not stand the discomfort of these sensations. Last night I decided to tough it out no matter what. So I lay down and began the exercise. At the end of the affirmation I added my own line. Something along the lines of, “and please assist me in getting through these discomforts and allow me to stay focused."

Near the end while I was being counted down into focus ten with facial relaxation techniques, I started getting those discomforting feelings in my extremities; my fingers and toes, my feet and hands, my legs and finally my arms. It was getting to be unbearable and I was loosing track of what RAM was instructing me to do, once again.

Then I decided to pay complete attention to RAM and what he was saying. I realized the feelings of discomfort could be dulled with un-attention (not eliminated completely though.)

I was able to attain a deeper and more attentive state of consciousness and complete the exercise. I was not able to continually sustain this newly realized state of awareness, but I was able to return to it when I was able to focus on something other than the uncomfortable sensations. RAM's voice was a great focal point for my attention drawing me away from my discomfort, but in the silence between his speaking it was difficult (and sometimes impossible) to ignore my near-pain.

In a slightly related experience, before falling asleep after this exercise, I said a silent prayer/affirmation that I receive help for this painful problem and also to learn during my sleep. What followed was a sequence of strange dreams culminating in this one:

Just last night I was in a hospital room with people who felt like celebrities (I knew of them but not who they were, is the sense I got) sitting on the bed with me almost crowding me out, while a male nurse took a long pole about 6' long and about 2" in diameter, painted mostly white with red on the last foot or so, and touched the end of it to my lower ribs on my right side. I could feel the end of the pole pressing into my ribs while energy flowed out from the end of it causing a total body tensing in me that I would describe as the closest thing you could get to being in pain while not feeling painful; it was more of a tenseness and was extremely uncomfortable. It made it VERY hard to breath or talk (I was trying to tell the nurse to attempt some other therapy - like drugs or something.) My teeth were clenched and every muscle I had seemed to be flexed taught. The nurse left the pole there for what seemed like for ever, then finally left after an ominous warning that there would be four more 'shock treatments' similar to this one in the near future.Very strange.

The feeling of tightness and difficulty breathing was just a little more intense than my discomfort during the Hemi-Sync exercises, but shared many of the same qualities in the extremities. I wonder if this was just some subconscious representation of what I was going through reenacted in a dream, or was it perhaps the help I needed.

I've been acclimating myself to Intro to Focus 10, on my Gateway Wave I, CD for the past week or so and have noticed that all my dreams (previously boring, unremarkable, and predictably recurrent) have suddenly become increasingly more bizarre and out of range of my normal sleep-time experiences, similar to the one recounted above.

My dreams are now featuring new locals, new 'players,' multiple me's, and very realistic tactile sensations like taste, smell, and yes: pain. Despite all of this, I still look forward to discovering more about myself and what I am capable of.

Focus 10 on the EIC Forum

2008-03-04T08:26:00.001-05:00

Well, I've been listening to Intro to Focus 10 every night before bed for a little while now. The headphones are still holding up well.

RAM once wrote something about how this kind of work or experimentation is almost purely subjective, so we have only ourselves to compare results and experiences to. In an effort to better understand just what Focus 10 was, I posted a question about it on the EIC forum:

EIC FORUM POST

"What is Focus 10 to you?" Was the header of the post. I explained what i thought it was, and asked others to share their experiences with it.

My explanation/observation:

"So far as I have been able to experience, Focus 10 is just a very relaxed state where my body is very still and sensory input from my physical senses are dulled or tuned way down due to inaction. This is a state where wandering off into day dreams, or falling asleep is easy. It is also where (if you can learn to stay awake, un-distracted, and focused) you can shift your consciousness into other levels of awareness.

I am not having an OBE, nor am I even close to one in Focus 10. I am not asleep, nor in a Hypnogogic stage (though I am right on the very cusp of being in the Hypnogogic state of awareness) while experiencing Focus 10. I can be easily distracted out of it with loud noises, body itches/tickles/daydreams/sleep/or even strong distracting thoughts."

The responses have been interesting.

* * *

In other news, I have been having some very vivid and memorable dreams in which I am the key player in some very strange situations I've never dreamed about before (which was unusual for me before i started using the Hemi-Sync Gateway Exercises. I wonder what this means?

Headphones Have Arrived!

2008-02-28T11:01:00.000-05:00

I got my new headphones! I went with TMI's suggestion, after reading many reviews and I am glad I did. I got the Ultrasone HFI-550. I had to order it from Guitarcenter.com (free shipping) after I went to their local store and found them to not be in stock.

So I used them last night. I tested them on my regular CD player/stereo, I tried them on a CD walkman, and I tried them on my Creative: Zen MP3 player (the Zen uses WMA files.) All three mediums worked wonderfully. I have been assured by a few sound engineers and by the fact that you can get Hemi-Sync on iTunes, that the WMA files do not affect the sound patterns of the Wave tracks.

So I used intro to Focus 10 to break in my new 'phones. Let me tell you the clarity is superb, and the noise reduction cancelled out the sounds of my house like the air conditioning, the ticking clocks, the wind rattling the vinyl siding, even my snoring wife in the other room. You couldn't use these with the quiet Gateway CD's in a room with a TV or people having normal-voice-level conversations without the sound bleeding in, so some isolation is still needed. I found that if I asked my wife to keep the volume of the TV at a reasonable level and I went into a room at the opposite end of the house, I could cancel out the sound completely! Woo hoo!

But, with regular music at regular volumes, I was unable to hear the TV (which was at regular volume) only a couple of meters in front of me, in my living room. And my coworker is using them right as I type this; He listens to speed metal at ridiculous volumes and I cannot hear a peep from the headphones even though he is sitting right next to me.

So, how was the Focus 10 with the headphones really? Fantastic! I still need to do these exercises earlier in the day (I fell asleep a couple of times during the exercise) but the sound was crisp, deep, and in surround sound. The discomfort of wearing large headphones while laying down is something that will have to be gotten used to. The movement of the ear cups across the fabric of the pillow case creates a loud grating sound of friction in the headphones, so make sure you are comfortable and still before beginning. I may get one of those small memory cell foam contour pillows that fit just the neck and head; hopefully this would alleviate the unwanted sound, but for now, I think using a regular pillow will be fine.

So I'm a moron...

2008-02-20T10:05:00.001-05:00

Here I am stressing over finding a sound proof environment, building CHEC units, soudproffing a large closet, etc... When all I have to do is invest in a good quality noise reduction headphone set.

Stayed Awake... And Danced ‘til It Hurt?

2008-02-18T09:18:00.001-05:00

I listened to Intro to Focus 10 again last night. I was awake for all of it. I started to drift while putting my cares and worries into the energy conversion box. I need to pay special attention not to start daydreaming there...

Anywho, I did have some trouble due to some environmental conditions. It was a very windy night last night, which made the siding on my house creak and crackle, with the occasional pop as the house settled or a window screen rattled, so it was hard to stay focused. Near the end it got easier despite the distractions.

The interesting thing that happened was during the relaxation exercise that is designed to take me to Focus 10. I performed as the audio Bob instructed, and was soon rather comfortable. I didn't feel asleep or in any deep state of consciousness, but I was more relaxed and less prone to the distractions the wind outside created. While being in the ten state in the brief time between last verbal cue and when Bob starts back up to bring you out of it, my left leg went rigid and jumped about an inch or two off the surface of the couch where I was laying! It was all tight like it was cramped, but there was no pain; more a wooden rigidity. Then it happened again! And then a third time!

I am sure it was my physical leg, BTW. Then I started getting a tight and uncomfortable feeling in all my joints and muscles; in my shoulders, in my neck, in both legs and arms, and in the joints of my fingers. It was extremely uncomfortable. It got worse. As Bob began counting me back out of Focus Ten, the feeling was unbearable and I had to open my eyes and stretch. I ended the session about 1:20 minutes early and went to bed, my shoulders, fingers, and left leg still very uncomfortable and stiff.

I slept well after that and feel totally rested this morning.

I also picked up a digital voice recorder with stereo microphones and a built in USB connector: So some of my right-then thoughts on these sessions can be easily recorded and uploaded here. At least, that is, if I can find a free host for audio files.

It is becoming more apparent that I need a distraction-less environment to conduct these exercises. Since I have exhausted all places and times in my house, and don't have the money or space to build a soundproof outbuilding with heat, air, and electricity, I must instead try to build my 'coffin.' I drew out some sketches of a tall and deep work bench with the underside completely enclosed. Two wide hinged cabinet doors on the front will provide access to the interior where my air mattress will be. It will be made of heavy MDF bolted to heavy metal L-bracket 'legs' so I can disassemble it when we later mover or for any other reason. The inside will be lined with sound proofing. Maybe carpeting, I am not sure yet.

I am also worried about ventilation in there. I don't want it to be too stuffy, but putting in an air vent kinda’ negates the whole soundproof environment right? Still thinking this one out...

I Must Be a Slow Learner

2008-02-17T13:58:00.000-05:00

I’ve been listening to the Wave I disk, Intro to FOCUS 10 for a while now, getting back to basics still, and I have finally figured something out. I have still been holding onto expectations. Being frustrated that I wasn’t making any progress waiting for ‘something’ to happen (some altered state of consciousness or a complete lack of sensory input), I started looking for other sources of info to see if anyone else were having this problem. I read some books, (including the Monroe biography) and some essays on personal Gateway Voyage accounts (two of which were linked in my last post to this blog) and discovered that the problem was not the CD’s, it was me.

After reading others’ accounts of their experiences with Focus 10, I was convinced that I was expecting more to happen with this ‘level’ of consciousness that it was created to give, and that I was expecting more from myself than I was capable of giving at this time. With these new ideas in mind, I stopped listening to Advanced Focus 10 and went back to the Intro.

I fell right to sleep the first few times I listened to it. I laid down, got all the way to the energy conversion box, and the next thing I know RAM is telling me that I am fully awake and alert and completely rested. And I was! I must have needed the rest more than altered states of consciousness, because for the next few sessions I slept and wake refreshed when RAM told me to. It was amazing. My daytime awareness felt more refreshed and relaxed than of late after each one of these sessions (each done right before bed when the house was quiet.)

I realize that doing these exercises at the end of the day right when I’d normally go to bed would be conductive to falling asleep, but as of right now it’s the only time I have.

So the next time I laid down with the exercise (last night) I still fell asleep, but before that I started noticing a change in my awareness. As I listened to the tones and the sounds of the exercise, and as I was instructed to put physical matters and my extra baggage into the energy conversion box, I felt myself falling asleep, but unlike the last two times I was totally aware of the process and didn’t want to stop it. I fell effortlessly from waking awareness to a full fledged dream. The dream was not important and I will not recount it here, but I slept until I was awakened at the end of the exercise, again completely refreshed and totally rested.

Each time I went to bed afterwards I fell right to sleep and slept soundly through to the next morning and had many vivid and active dreams, which is not my normal pattern.

I am excited about this and can’t wait to try again tonight.

Some Stuff

2008-02-15T09:30:00.001-05:00

Just finished the RAM biography. I recommend this book to everyone interested in the Gateway CD's, Hemi-Sync, TMI, or any of Monroe's books and work.

I have also determined that the closet will not work for my chec unit. It is too short by about 6" and too expensive to sound proof. The only other option is to build one. But it has to be as small as possible. I was thinking of making it a work bench for my hobby room/office. The base of the table would be enclosed and sound proofed by lining the inside with carpet fragments I can get fairly cheaply with a hinged and gasketed door. the top of the unit would be a table top that extends out about 6"-10" which could be my in-the-house-hobby-workbench. Maybe I can mount shallow shelves on the back of it and a power strip?

Other than the carpet and some structural boards, I think I have everything I need to build a chec/table. Hhmm... I need to draw up some more plans. I don;t want to feel like I am in a coffin.
Also, I found these two articles while searching for info on chec units. I am sure many have already found them, but for those who haven't here are the links. they are first hand accounts of the Gateway voyage offered at TMI.

http://www.magicandreason.com/pdf/GatewayVoyage-JosephFelser.pdf

http://www.stephanaschwartz.com/PDF/Path_Sound.pdf

CHEC and Biographies

2008-02-11T10:18:00.000-05:00

I’ve been trying to figure out where in my house/how to build a CHEC unit. So far nothing has quite worked out design wise. No where could I find an enclosed area or a room with enough floor space to put up a big honking enclosed sleep chamber without seriously messing with resale value of my home.

I was all but ready to abandon the idea of having an enclosed, dark, secluded, space to regularly practice my Gateway CD’s when I had a bright idea. My office/hobby room has a spacious closet. It is approximately 6’ x 3.5’, big enough to fit my air mattress! I have cleaned it out and test fitted it.

I figure if I can find a way to further sound proof the space, then I can install storage shelves (so it can still be used as a closet), and keep the mattress up on it’s side and out of the way during most of the time. The rest of the time I can lower it onto the floor, close the door, and OBE away!

Now to find some way to inexpensively sound proof the closet… Anyone got any ideas?

* * *

In other news, I am reading the Robert Allen Monroe Biography, The Journey of Robert Monroe, by Ronald Russell (ISBN: 978-1-57174-533-0). It has further inspired me to continue with the Gateway CD’s and I also have a few more books on the way. I will compile a book list of the OBE/paranormal books I have read soon for this blog.

Preggers and Nursing Homes.

2008-01-24T13:25:00.001-05:00

Well, we just found out that my wife is pregnant, then my grandmother ends up in the hospital for a few weeks, and this week is being moved from my parents house to a nursing home, which has kept the whole family busy, so i have not had time to stay regular with the CD's. I will be back on a semi-regular schedule here soon and shal continue to update the blog.

Big News!

2008-01-15T09:10:00.000-05:00

My wife is Pregnant!

I want to be selfish here: we lost our last two pregnancies and the experience was horrible! We are a high risk pregnancy, so keep us in your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes.

What this means to this blogg is that I've been either too keyed up to properly do these exercises or so run down tired to do them.

i should be back on track soon, and will continue to update this blog. I have been having some rather vivid dreams of new places and new people which is uncommon for me. perhaps there is something going on in my subconscious? I'll have to wait and see.

Anonymous Commenting Allowed

2007-12-31T13:54:00.000-05:00

I changed my blog so that anonymous readers can comment without having a gmail account.

So comment already!!

Falling Asleep

2007-12-28T13:39:00.001-05:00

I seem to have hit a little lag. I have been very tired this Holiday. Every time I lay down to listen to the Advance Focus 10 exercise, I fall asleep before getting to the the 10 countdown. I am also very distracted (mentally) while doing the resonant breathing.

I find myself dreaming and then wake myself up. Interestingly, I am aware while dreaming, but not in control. When I take control I feel my awareness come into a sharper focus and the dream images and sensations fade rapidly away. So rather than the traditional 'falling asleep' I seem to phase into REM sleep and back out, once I have taken notice of my lack of focused awareness.

This is an interesting side effect I have never knowingly experienced before.

I will keep at it and report.

Air mattresses and batteries

2007-12-21T07:23:00.001-05:00

Got my air mattress last night. Getting batteries to inflate it with the pump tonight after work. One more step closer to an isolated and comfortable environment for my Gateway exploration.

Wave I, Intro to Focus 10

2007-12-18T09:39:00.000-05:00

“This is the exercise to reach Focus 10, The 10 State, Where your mind remains awake and alert, and your physical body is deeply asleep.”

For Wave I, track 2, Enough said…

Again you are directed to relax your body to start things off. Then you put in your Energy conversion box your worries, anxieties and concerns.

Then resonant tuning.

Then the Gateway Voyage Affirmation.

Then you are guided to Focus 3.

You are guided through the ‘10 Point System of Relaxation’ where you are guided through compartmentalized relaxation exercises focusing on relaxing specific parts of your body one at a time, ending on your brain, until you are completely relaxed and at ease. Then you are directed to extend the calm brain feeling into the other parts of your body as they count you through to ‘The 10 State.’ I.e. your body is asleep and your mind is awake and aware at the end of this segment of the exercise.

While in Focus 10, you are given a tool/method/gesture, to bring yourself to full physical and mental alertness if need be while in the Focus 10 state.

You are also presented with a tool/method/gesture to remember what you consciously desire to recall and remember from being in Focus 10, while you are wide awake and fully alert.

Then there’s a few seconds of being in Focus 10, then you are given message about a healthy condition of bodily function and are brought back to a fully aware and awakened physical state of consciousness, and encouraged to stretch your body out.

Wave I, Orientation

2007-12-18T08:30:00.000-05:00

“This is your first step along a path that leads to a gateway; a gateway that leads to discovery; your own discovery of reality, of truth, of who and what you are.”

The opening words of Wave I, track 1 – Orientation.

First you are directed to relax. Then you are told about how you will learn to use your own waves of energy and to focus them for your own well being. You will learn to perceive it, to tune it to focus it with your conscious mind rather than be controlled by it’s non conscious behavior.

Then there is a demonstration and explanation of how Hemi-Sync sounds work, using narration and a tonal example.

After a while of experiencing the tonal Hemi-Sync sound, you are instructed to create a large box with a big heavy lid to put all your anxieties, problems, and concerns into, which is called an Energy Conversion Box (ECB).

Another stretch of no narration – time spent with the Hemi-Sync tones. Then you are directed through the Gateway Voyage affirmation:

After the affirmation you are guided through resonant tuning, which is a breathing exercise with visualized energy flow. Later this will be used to build upon for other exercises in later Waves.

After a while of this and then doing the breathing on your own without guidance, the narrations says, “To take another step along the path, I will take you to Focus 3, the first step on the Gateway Voyage.” You are guided to Focus 3 which is a unified and focused mind. Once there you are encouraged to explore and enjoy the new sensation and awareness.

I found Focus 3 to be an important step because it does not take you anywhere unusual that you cannot already go, but it allows you (through repeated practice) to go there at will. Where is this ‘where’ of Focus 3? I’m not too sure. It’s like a more focused day dream where you are in control. At least that’s the way I perceived it.

But you should try it for yourself and see what your mind and awareness finds it to be.

After a long time in Focus 3, you are guided to wakefulness. The exercise is over.

Telltale signs of things going right

2007-12-17T10:58:00.000-05:00

I officially started nightly sessions with The Gateway Voyage CD's again. I started with Disc 2, Advanced Focus 10. After going through the whole exercise I think I'll start from the beginning again as a refresher. I will probably not spend a lot of time with the disc one tracks 1 & 2, but I need to revisit them, just to get back up to speed. I will report on them subsequently.

In the mean time, I have discovered a handy microphone function on my Creative: Zen, MP3 player. I will be able to record my thoughts and experiences after every session in my own voice for later research. I think I will be able to save the files to my PC and if I can find a free host, I will post them here. Or I might find a way to provide them as downloads. I imagine I will be typing most of my posts here, but if anything exciting happens I'd like to let you hear it first hand. Otherwise, I'll be using my recordings for my own personal logs, and for transcribing for this blog.

Now to last night's session:

I discovered, last night, a few things about my methods and my expectations. You see, all my previous OBE and related experiences have been spontaneous and usually unprovoked. I would be asleep, nearly falling asleep, or just waking up from sleep, when my OBE's would occur. Each one was almost always preceded with wracking solid vibrations and paralysis or pressure or both; then the OBE would (maybe) occur.

In reading Monroe's books, listening to his CD's, and reading literature about the institute, I had decided that this state of vibrations and paralysis was the mind awake/body asleep state (MABA). Once I decided this (years ago) it became the point of reference that I worked from. Every time I lay down to induce an OOBE, or attempted any kind of consciousness exercise, I thought that I was not achieving anything unless I reached the vibrating, paralyzed, MABA. Talk about years of frustration! The only times I could consciously attempt to have an OOBE with promising results was when I was either waking up or falling asleep (more during the latter.)

All that said, once I decided what MABA was, I never once questioned that I could be wrong. So before I began this new round of the Gateway Voyage, I re-read the little booklet that came with the Gateway Voyages Wave I, the Q & A section. I came across a question that said something like, how do I know when I am in focus 10? The answer was; have no preconceptions about what Focus 10 was. (Focus 10 is what The Monroe Institute labels the mind awake/body asleep state.) Since I had always expected the same results from two different techniques, I was always disappointed when the same result never occurred after two different methods of consciousness exercises. I knew what happened when I accidentally reached a state of consciousness conducive to what I perceived to be an OOBE, so I assumed that was MABA, and that it and Focus 10 would be the same.

It was a revelation! I listened to Advanced Focus 10 last night, and during it, every time I had a moment where I was looking for vibrations, or any other thing to expect, I calmly went to my energy conversion box, put the thought/anxiety/expectation inside it and shut it away. It really DID help me to quickly remove the intrusive mental behaviors, thus enhancing my experience.

Though I had no strange experiences or OBE related events, I did become aware of a few things during last night’s session. One of those things is distractions. I was able to identify distractions that I was unaware of previously that I will have to eliminate. I also identified a few things about myself and my own preconceived 'methods' of inducing an OBE.

1. A noise free environment - I thought I had this one taken care of. Jen went to bed with the dogs and I shut off all the sound making electronics in the house and laid down on the couch for the exercise. I forgot about the Tick-Tocking clock on top of the TV. I forgot about the heating unit in the utility room just off the kitchen kicking on and off with a loud enough noise to distract. I forgot about the dogs next door out in their back yard barking away at random.

Solution, move my OBE's into my hobby room. Eventually the CHEC bunk will be in there so why not remove the clock and heating unit from my nightly exercises now? Also this will put a few more walls between me and the dogs next door. The CHEC bunk will have fabric and batting lined walls and ceiling with a heavy sound dampening curtain/shutter to cover the opening, so that will be nice too. (See this post about the CHEC bunk: http://arightmind-journey.blogspot.com/2007/12/new-beginnings-on-old-adventure-life.html )

2. A big distraction is my own mind. I need to be rested, empty bladdered, unstressed, and mentally relaxed. If these things crop up during the exercise, I can put most of them away in the energy conversion box. The others I will have to remember to address each and every time I lay down for these exercises.

3. My preconceptions. I MUST NOT expect anything to happen. I must not have any other goals than what I really want. So what do I want; to have a controlled OOBE? Yes, but not so during these first exercises. I must not expect it to happen. I must listen to the directions on the CD's, follow them, and calmly observe the results. I had to re-evaluate my desires for this. I re-visited the Gateway Voyage affirmation. There is nothing in there about OOBE. It's about perception and consciousness, and perceiving new things. That's what I really want; personal confirmation of my own abilities to be more than my physical body. Whether they are OOBE's or something else entirely. This was a freeing realization, let me tell you.

4. I must not be in a hurry. Patience is more than required; it is a necessary state for even being able to actively participate in the Gateway Voyage CD's.

The things I noticed that lead me to a deeper understanding of what was really going on:

By actually putting all my preconceptions aside, I was able to focus mindfully and with a calm detachment to the way I felt rather than watching for the things I expected to occur. When directed to enter Focus 10 I didn't try to shut out the sounds around me filtering in despite the head phones. I didn't try to ignore the sensations of my body. I didn't let intrusive thoughts halt the 'flow' of my consciousness to Focus 10. I instead noticed that if I just let myself listen to the CD, I 'drifted off' a little easier than trying it myself, all while still being totally awake, which is very hard for me on my own. There was no sensation of falling asleep as I normally know it. (Normally I am falling asleep and am jolted awake by vibrations, which in turn, shocks my mind into the paralysis and vibrations.) There was instead a gradual relaxing of my awareness of the world around me and a heightening awareness of the level of relaxation of my muscles and body, and subsequent detachment I was noticing between my need to be aware of the world around me and instead focusing on... what?

That is the question I can't wait to explore! Where did my mind go? It didn't 'go' anywhere it just shifted it's focus from the wakeful world to... another form of awareness? Wakeful sleep? I was still aware of my body if I wanted to be, but it was a conscious choice to be aware of it or not. I preferred not. I found that I could still be aware of the room and its sounds around me too but that was so distracting it almost pulled me out of my relaxed awareness.

Any ways, this Focus 10 I was directed into was an in and out thing for me, really. It was amazing when I could drift into it, and it was frustrating when I drifted out of it because of the barking dogs next door, or the heater turning on. But every time it happened I could put those distractions in my energy conversion box and get back to focus 10 fairly easily.

I know all this talk about Focus 10, and Energy Conversion Boxes might be confusing to you as a new reader to this blog, and I apologize for it. I wanted to convey my deep emotional response and growth to just one initial Gateway Voyage session. Like I said, I will be returning to the first CD tonight and moving forward from there.

Though I will not reveal the exact exercises from the CD's I will paraphrase as much as I can and explain them and their terms in my future blog entries.

New beginnings on an old Adventure, life and consciousness.

2007-12-14T08:21:00.000-05:00

Lots of life has happened since January. New pets, loss of family members, a total rearranging of household finances, and explosion of side projects for my hobby stuff... all of which has kept me from seriously adhering to my previous blog http://my-gateway.com/

I have set aside some space in my hobby shop/room for a twin sized air mattress, confirmed that I can covert my Gateway CD's to MP3 files without destroying the pink noise of the Hemi-Sync sound quality that induces altered states of consciousness (so I can put all the waves on my MP3 player for ease of use), AND *drum roll, please* I am building my own CHEC unit!

What's a CHEC unit (Controlled Holistic Environmental Chamber), you ask? Those who have investigated the Gateway Voyage at The Monroe Institute (TMI), or have read Monroe's book, "Far Journeys," probably know that participants stay in small rooms with holistically controlled environmental sleeping chambers conducive to isolation and complete relaxation and comfort.

My CHEC will be VERY basic, more on the lines of isolation than complete relaxation and comfort. It will start with a twin sized Coleman air mattress. The unit will be made from 2x4s, 1x4s, OSB, Masonite, MDF, and will have soft internal lighting, a fan for air circulation (and white noise) and will be able to be curtained off on the open side.

On top of the unit will be cabinets for storage. I'll post pix soon.

On to the Gateway stuff. First I wanna' talk about a new direction in my life.

My wife and I have rearranged our finances. We decided to get completely out of debt and stay that way. We have been on a budget for four months now, have managed to save $3,000, and pay off $6,000 of our $33K of debt (not including the house). We live on tight weekly budgets and we can't be happier! (I am also on schedule to have the cash to participate in the Gateway Voyage at TMI in 4-5 years time! Woo hoo!!) It finally feels like my life is not out of control and rudderless.

What's this got to do with the Gateway CD's? Well, it has put me in a very comfortable place in my life. I have a plan for the future and have embarked upon it with gusto and with my wonderful lady as my partner, and nothing could make me happier. Until the dreams...

I started having some old recurring bad dreams lately. I have had them for over 10 years now.

Dreams of being late, not knowing my way to a destination that I should be familiar with, not know a class schedule (I have not been in school for a decade), tornado disasters, and for some strange reason this improbable dream has always seemed to be with me; zombie attacks. What's been different is that I have started overcoming them. I would be faced with these old bad situations and anxiety creators and I would see them for the silliness they are and instead enjoyed other aspects of the dreams, like new locations I end up in when lost instead of worrying about being late to somewhere, or making an adventure of escape when the zombie hoards attack.

I thought this was strange that they all happened within the same 2-3 month span and I remembered Monroe talking about dreamer's classes and total immersion learning experiences in his books. So I picked them up and read them again.

Now I am diving back into the Gateway CD's with gusto and a warm fuzzy feeling deep inside. A feeling of relaxation and subdued excitement which seems conductive to the experience.

For those who would die, there is life
For those who would dream, there is reality
For those who would hope, there is knowledge
For those who would grow, there is eternity
-Robert Monroe, Far Journeys